Cabbit Tales: The Collected Works
by Patch Monkey
Summary: Previously published in 2000 by a group of bored poets and writers on the Fan Fiction Mailing List, this is the authoritative selection of poems and works related to cabbits. I have others which are being retrieved. This may be completed at some point.
1. If Cabbits Were Horses - Patch Monkey

If cabbits were horses, horses would be a lot smaller  
>And they could fly by turning into large spaceships<br>If cabbits were horses, there would be a lot less lettuce  
>And a lot more carrots<br>Warfare would probably be more difficult, because  
>how can you fight such a cute thing?<p>

If cabbits were horses, little children wouldn't ask for a rabbit or a cat.  
>They would ask for a cabbit.<br>We could fly through space in giant miaoing crystals  
>Wouldn't that just be the swellest?<br>If cabbits were horses, that's what we'd do

If cabbits were horses, maybe we'd have little girls  
>With red eyes and blue hair and the merged souls of trees<br>Maybe we'd have cyan-haired space pirates  
>And angry princesses and little scientists<br>Maybe that's how it would be if cabbits were horses

If cabbits were horses, there would have been a lot less  
>Horseback riding in Old West shows<br>Instead, maybe we would watch as cute little things  
>With big floppy ears and a great appetitite for carrots<br>Ran around.


	2. An Ode - Auer House

**An Ode**

_Author: Auer House_

I lay upon you, pondering your treasures,  
>I watch as the warmth of the sun your bosom caresses.<br>Hands with gentler care than I could give,  
>prepare you for the bounteous gift.<p>

The seed of life within you placed,  
>nurtured by your wondrous grace.<br>Seasons turn as is their wont,  
>They watch your shape, change and grow.<p>

The time has come, your labours done.  
>I watch and wait with baited breathe,<br>As gently he pulls forth your fruit,  
>Oh wondrous joy, 7 pounds, 65 cm length.<p>

Oh glorious earth, your harvest grand  
>the greatest carrot seen in the land.<br>I marvel at the work you've done.  
>And wait upon another one.<p> 


	3. The Ballad of a Cabbit - Jay Kominek

**The Ballad Of A Cabbit**

**(Or, "If You Havn't Learned Anything Else From This,  
>Learn That You Should Be Very Very Careful What You<br>Mention")**

_Originally by Jay Kominek_

* * *

><p>Once, in a carrot field, not too far or long ago<br>There was a cabbit whose name was Ryo-ohki.  
>It was a spaceship by trade, and it liked carrots.<br>Carrots, such lovely things!

Carrots, such a divine vegetable.  
>You make my eyes ache for your vitamin A.<br>Why can I never consume my daily craving?  
>Carrots for breakfast, brunch and dinner!<p>

As Ryo-ohki wandered about the carrot field,  
>Taking in all the lovely carrots,<br>It realized, "Ohh my, I've no opposable thumbs!"  
>Thumbs, thumbs, how I miss you so!<p>

"How will I ever get the carrots?" moaned Ryo-ohki.  
>A way to acquire carrots, must I find!<br>For without carrots, I will surely die!  
>Death (noun), a state caused by insufficient carrots.<p>

Frantic, searching, the cabbit went this way and that.  
>Hoping, praying for someone with thumbs.<br>Empty here, empty there, no one with thumbs.  
>Desolate had the world become.<p>

Realization struck Ryo-ohki,  
>Like a carrot to the head.<br>Thumbs? Who needs them?  
>Tractor-beam, you are my new best friend!<p>

Quickly, with a leap and a meow,  
>the cabbit was in the air and flipping.<br>Soon a spaceship was there, soaring in the air.  
>Carrots, you have met your match!<p>

Carefully positioning itself over the  
>carrot field, Ryo-ohki let fly with its<br>tractor beam, full of sparkle and glimmer.  
>Carrots, carrots, I have you now!<p>

With a squeal and firing of the thrusters,  
>Ryo-ohki was off! Too great of an idea was this,<br>wasting it would be such a shame!  
>Carrot fields everywhere, here comes the cabbit!<p> 


	4. Beta-Carotene - Auer House

**Beta-Carotene**

_By Auer House_

_Sung to the tune of "Oh Christmas Tree"_

* * *

><p>Beta-Carotene, Beta-Carotene,<br>How wonderful a vitamin  
>Beta-Carotene, Beta-Carotene,<br>Carrots you make them glow,  
>Beta-Carotene, Beta-Carotene,<br>Carrot tops sway in the breeze,  
>Faithful hand will pluck them forth,<br>Beta-Carotene, Beta-Carotene,  
>Your Carrots I am eating.<p>

Tis not alone as summers fruit,  
>Its root orange, leaves of green.<br>It grows beneath the earth so long.  
>And earth is covered with showy green.<br>A Cabbit tells of carrots grand.  
>Of Tenchi's work to harvest them.<br>Of carrots piled up to the sky,  
>Cabbits dreams are a go.<p> 


	5. I Want Carrot - Battl Ohki

**I Want Carrot**

_By Battl Ohki_

* * *

><p>I know a carrot who's hard and orange<br>It's so fine, It can't be beat  
>Got everything that I desire<br>Sets the summer sun on fire

I want Carrot, I want Carrot

Go to see It with the green hung down  
>Ain't no finer carrots in town<br>Carrots just what the doctor ordered  
>It's so sweet, They makes my mouth water<p>

I want Carrot, I want Carrot  
>I want Carrot, I want Carrot<br>I want Carrot, I want Carrot

Carrot on the plate, there's nothing better  
>But I like Carrots when Tenchi gets them, better<br>Some day soon I'll make them mine  
>Then I'll have Carrots all the time<p>

I want Carrots, I want Carrots


	6. Ryo-Ohki in Paradise - Patch Monkey

**Ryo-Ohki In Paradise**

_By Patch Monkey_

Tried to amend my herbivorous habits.  
>Made it nearly twenty hours,<br>Flyin' round without gas, eatin' Ryoko's food,  
>Drinkin' lots of bovine juice and watchin' flowers...<p>

But at dinner I had these splendid dreams,  
>Some kind of sensuous treat.<br>Not burgers, dwarven deurgars, or whole grain wheat,  
>But those perfect carrots that just can't be beat!<p>

Ryo-ohki in paradise,  
>Heaven on Earth is a carrot slice<br>Just no MSG, it'll always entice  
>I'm just a Ryo-ohki in paradise.<p>

I like mine with Tenchi or Sasami,  
>Lil' Washu ain't bad but Ayeka scares me,<br>Big batch of carrots for my dinnertime,  
>Tsunami allmighty, which way do I steer,<br>For my carrot patch in paradise

Heard about my old time memories,  
>I'd eat just whenever I had the munchies,<br>Warm beer I was fed, that scary lunkhead  
>That stuff reminds me of the metal on Kagato's ship<p>

But times have changed for cabbits these days,  
>Down here on Earth I get what I need,<br>Not just cuddlin' or fussin' or daiquiris,  
>But that Earth-bound creation on which I feed!<p>

Ryo-ohki in paradise,  
>Heaven on Earth is a carrot slice<br>Just no MSG, it'll always entice  
>I'm just a Ryo-ohki in paradise.<p>

I like mine with Tenchi or Sasami,  
>Lil' Washu ain't bad but Ayeka scares me,<br>Big batch of carrots for my dinnertime,  
>Tsunami allmighty, which way do I steer,<p>

For my carrot patch in paradise  
>Makin' the best of every virtue and vice.<br>Worth every damn bit of sacrifice  
>To get a carrot patch in paradise;<br>To be a Ryo-ohki in paradise,  
>I'm just a Ryo-ohki in paradise!<p> 


End file.
